Hello everyone!
This is my first real blog post since I helped my mother start up the mom&meFAP blog. It has been a long year and I, unfortunately, let myself get away from journaling. Recently, I had an experience that reset my focus and reminded me of the desire and drive I had to start this blog with my mother. I want to share this experience with you for a couple different reasons. I want people to know that they are not alone in their health journeys, that it’s important to really understand your body, and that it is essential for you to be your own advocate.
On July 30th, I woke up with mild abdominal pain around 5 am. Having had my colon removed last June, I first assumed that I was having some gas build up (which does happen occasionally, if I eat something spicy or greasy). The pain continued through 7 am, growing increasingly more severe. I tried my heating pad, Tylenol, laying fetal position, sitting in child’s pose. Nothing worked. At this point, my boyfriend and I agreed I needed to go to the ER as the pain was not getting any better. I get checked in and the on-call doctor ordered a CT scan. Afterwards, the doctor comes in to tell me that I have “floating air” in my abdomen and they need to perform exploratory surgery to find out what’s causing the floating air. I immediately burst into tears because I know that means I am going to be opened up and now have the possibility of getting an ileostomy bag depending on what they find in surgery. I had a successful colectomy for an entire year so the thought of getting an ileostomy spur of the moment terrified me. This wasn’t part of my plan and not something I was prepared for.
After a couple more hours, lots of testing, some morphine and fentanyl to help with the pain, I finally go in for surgery. I woke up later Thursday afternoon and luckily did not have an ileostomy bag, only a 7-inch scar from my belly button down my abdomen and a drainage bag inserted at the bottom of my incision. During my surgery, the surgeon removed the floating air and found a surprising internal hernia, which they repaired. With the relief of knowing I was going to be okay also came the dread of the painful recovery coupled with the loneliness of healing during COVID19 when visitors and visitor hours are minimized so I didn’t have the same support as a year ago when I was hospitalized during my colon removal. My boyfriend was the only one able to visit me and only during the hours of 9 am – 9 pm. No one could sleepover at the hospital.
I was not able to resume eating/drinking until Saturday afternoon and had to begin with broth and ice chips for 2 days. Once I could eat soft solid foods, nausea kicked in and I wasn’t able to hold any food down for the next 4 days. The doctor set me up to receive Reglan and Zofran periodically throughout each day. Monday afternoon, I went for a follow up CT scan to confirm there were no other unforeseen complications in my abdomen. Unfortunately, we came to find out that I had a collection of fluid near the right side of my pelvis. The following day I had a CT guided procedure using local anesthesia where the radiologist created a small incision and added a second drainage bag on the right side of my abdomen to remove the fluids. Unfortunately, now my hospital stay was prolonged. I was devastated because I wanted to get home to my own bed and comfortable living space. I was tired of being poked for blood every morning at 4 am, having multiple IVs in my arms to administer antibiotics, potassium, anti-nausea medicine, pain medicine, and saline solution. Tired of having to wait for nurses to help me to the bathroom once my catheter was removed. Tired of the pain from laying on hospital beds. Tired of not getting any sleep.
I was finally discharged from the hospital a week later, Thursday August 6th. I cried once I made it out of the building. I hadn’t had fresh air in a week or walked more than 100 ft or stood up without holding onto my IV infusion pump or worn anything but a gown and diaper for the last week. It may seem silly but, leaving the hospital was liberating for me. I had a renewed sense of hope for a well-rested recovery, a deep desire to be more in tune with my body, and a newfound respect for my own strength.
I don’t think people realize that hospital stays aren’t luxurious like they seem in movies. Hospital beds are uncomfortable and both times I’ve been hospitalized, I have experienced extreme back pain from laying in the beds too long because I can’t do much else. Even with extra pillows and changing my position in bed, the pain manages to persist. I’ve been home for a full week now and the pain has not completely gone away – eventually it will diminish with time and stretching. Another difficult aspect of my recovery was the hospital food. Aside from my nausea, the taste of the food was very bland and with all the medications I was receiving, my appetite was nonexistent. I lived on applesauce, cranberry juice, apple juice, and Ensures for a few days. And of course, the lack of sleep you get from being checked on every 2-3 hours around the clock makes it near impossible to get any real sleep (which is a huge part of recovery). Lastly, I had 3 IVs at one time so they could administer all the medications they needed to get me back on a healthy path. I had to ask for one to be re-done because it shifted after a couple days and was poking me. Another one I asked to be removed because it began to hurt. My poor arms and hands are still bruised. All these factors made for a very tough week to get through. I felt as though I was hitting one of the lowest points in my young life and I couldn’t see past the pain and exhaustion some days. I teared up just about every time my boyfriend came to visit because he was the only physical connection I had to normalcy. I hated when he left because I knew I would be alone for the next 12 hours, apart from the various nurses that would come in. Of course, I would FaceTime my family a lot, mostly with my mother because I knew she’d been through this all but it was different to not have them physically with me.
My family and boyfriend always reminded me to keep my chin up and look forward to the next step in my recovery. I was motivated to turn the negatives into positives and so here I am, working to continue doing just that. I plan to write more about my experiences, hopefully inspiring others to do the same. I think journaling is therapeutic for the soul and allows you to connect with others who you may not normally have the opportunity to connect with. When it comes to one’s health or healing journey, it is very easy to feel alone and depressed during treatments and recovery but it’s important to know you will get through it and be stronger for it. Just writing all of this down has made me feel better about what I went through and the positive direction I’m headed towards on my way to healing.
Mom & Me & F.A.P. 